My daughters nights

I am rocking while holding my daughter who is sound asleep.  This is rare because her mother is night duty 99 out of 100 nights.  Tonight though Opal for 4 hours kicked and screamed every time she was set down to sleep.  I was picking up her aunt from the airport only to return to a still crying baby.  I told my wife I will hold her until she falls back asleep.  

She has been for twenty minutes now but I can't set her down.  She may cry again, or not, I don't know.  I can't set her down because I don't know why she cried.  She needs something to be happy and to sleep.  I don't ever know what it is but she is sound asleep now so I will rock her until I can't any longer.  I can't set her down knowing she could be in some sort of ache or pain, or knowing she is scared to be alone tonight.  If I were either of those I would want to be held and loved, and I'm an adult...

As much as a baby can scream or fight you for any reason it's easiest to assume they are just being fussy or selfish, it takes caring and understanding to not let them rattle your cage and see they may be hurting. It takes true love to sacrifice your own self to keep then happy.  

My wife shows that true love every single night, and right now I understand why. Seeing her sweet face and hearing her calm breaths puts me in a place I can't describe, but I know I wouldn't be happier anywhere else in the world.

The marks of who we are

The other night my wife said to me "don't take this the wrong way but if you were to take your ring off no one would know you are married or a father.  Me I have this scar proving I am forever a mother. " she may have said something else but this is what I remember. That and saying at least she's a milf.... To a point she is right, and I understand.  She is so engrossed in being a mom she can't separate herself from it even if she wanted to sometimes.

To her it is as simple as removing my ring and I am "free" from all stereotypes. This made me consider if she was right or not.    I concluded she was missing things that most people would but I do not so yes, she was right, but no she was wrong. (Married life in a nutshell)

Let's start with the husband.  

If I take off my ring there is a noticeable indention in my skin and during the summer a noticeable tan line.  I am better off wearing gloves when trying to appear single.  Also if I were to take off my shirt my three tattooes would gain some attention to most people.  1 of which is the final sentence of our vows.  Her section, her last sentence, her words. I couldn't just pretend that was a line from a song and move on.  No mater what or where I am or who I am with if "what does that mean" comes up I am holding my Morgans hands on a perfect day in Georgia surrounded by our best friends.  Why would I cover that up with a lie?

What other characteristics identify a man as a husband?  Less hair gel than his single friends, he is the designated driver, he is the one that has to be home early?  This is a tough one but I think it is a personality change rather than physical change.  If it is easy for a man to appear single(which I say it is not), so to can a woman.  

Next being a father. 

No I do not hve a scar from my daughters birth, or huge boobs full of milk with the potential to leak out my shirt, but I do have some sneakily identifiable features.  

Dads often times fail to zip their pants up.  Why?  Because dads wear dress pants!  Why? To support their families duh, but here is my logic. Before being a dad I peed zipped buttoned and buckled.  As a dad I pee, button, clip, zip buckle.  That second clip/button step in dress pants takes the step that use to be zipping.  Dads do not have time for new steps so something must suffer (my additional weight forces me to use the inside button now)

Which leads me to weight/ physical issues.  Well even with Morgan taking the night shift like a boss, sleep is never useful leading to dark circles under my eyes, a modest weight gain, way too much caffeine intake.  I wear my wrinkles around my eyes with pride from all the smiles I share with my family, and the big ass wrinkle in my forehead is there because of work and worrying that my family is always happy as can be. Where do I find time to exercise when I get up early to work and go home to help Morgan with the nights chores?  Yes I would love to work out, but I love sleep, and being home with my family and need the occasional stress relief beer with my guy friends.  

I sway.... All the time.  Other parents get this.  When you hold a child all you do is sway or bounce to keep that thin entertained.  

Baby talk, now some people do this without babies and that to me is worrisome, but I do it now because yes, I have one.

My computer, phone, Instagram, you name it (except here) is covered with my daughters beautiful face.

What I am getting at is a ring or a scar does not sum up your life, or define your role in it.  It is merely a reminder that you have something special that some people search for their whole lives.  Love and a family.

Here in lies the Lernaean Hydra tattoo

Every time I get an idea I think "man this would make a cool tattoo".  Here in lies the thinking behind the Hydra.

Take first this quick wiki excerpt for context.

"In Greek mythology, the Lernaean Hydra was an ancient serpent-like water monster, with reptilian traits (as its name evinces), that possessed many heads — the poets mention more heads than the vase-painters could paint, and for each head cut off it grew two more — and poisonous breath and blood so virulent even its tracks were deadly. Lerna was the site of the myth of the Danaids. Beneath the waters was an entrance to the Underworld, and the Hydra was its guardian.

The Hydra was one of the offsprings of Typhon and Echidna (Theogony, 313), both of whom were noisome offspring of the earth goddess Gaia. (oddly enough this is a cat of ours...as seen in link)"

Now if you know me at all you are probably thinking one of two things...cool, this will go so well with your dinosaur tattoo, or this is one of those weird analogies that doesnt really make sense isn't it,that leads to more analogies and obscurity?  Well I will tell you something.  It is both cool, and one of those analogies!

Let's look past the reptilian traits (though i seem to get along well in most scenarios much like a chameleon), and the poisonous breath and virulent blood to the part about many heads.  Here in lies the point of this analogy.

At one point in my life I possessed two heads...figuratively.  I was the child of two wonderful parents and a younger brother immediately.   Now this did not last long because once my conscious kicked in around the ripe age of 3~7? (its a big gap but somewhere it kicked in i am sure of it) I had my head chopped off....figuratively....and it came back with two in it's place....figuratively speaking of course.  When I knew I was not the youngest child I now had the head of a son, and the head of a younger and older brother.  (Do you see where this is going?)   Welcome to the world "Batman" and thank you for my second head removal moment.

Fast forward life through all those teenage year, high school, college, military (at some point I can talk about all of them but we are getting close to the juicy bit) to when I met my wife. No more head removal for the moment because you get the splits here I am sure.  (sure...a word that means not yes, not no, but an androgynous slightly engaged sort of. My wife hates this word.  Want to go to the store...sure...is that a yes or a no...its a non committal retort my dove because I am happy anywhere.)

Here in lies the true meaning of this post.  How many heads can one person have before they start to spread themselves too thin, or lose credibility in one area or another? A few, a lot?  Well my simple head count has me at 8 major life roles.   My self (the immortal one that has to be removed to kill the whole beast obviously, read your mythology), a husband, a father, a son, a brother, an in-law, an employee, and a friend.  As each head grows and is removed a new set of more complex head fill it's void (i.e. father of 2 one day will replace father).  The goal of the Hydra is never to add a new tangled extension, rather to protect the underworld at all cost.

One thing of interest is the artwork behind the Hydra....

most paintings, drawings, (around 67%) etc.

show us a tangled web of necks, as the hero valiantly attempts to slay the overwhelming beast. The tangle creates chaos, suspense, embellishes the already enormous challenge. In a round about sort of way the monster is what I see here as the challenge.  How can it control all of those heads, in unison, for one goal, to destroy Heracles and protect the passage to the underworld (a centralized brain somewhere in it's chest? HAH no way!).  Simple, it's a monster in a story and monsters don't have to deal with waking up early, working late, living away from your family and friends, loving, learning, they just had to be nasty which to most is easier than being kind. Could you imagine a nice monster protecting a passage?  "Sorry sir you can't pass, no really I am going to get into a lot of trouble if you go down there, okay well if you are going please mind your step and take this flashlight"  See how much harder that was than spitting venom with 100 heads!

Here in lies my second obscure analogy of this post as I am embodying this multi-headed monster what is it that I am protecting relentlessly?  That is what I wake up for every day isn't it?  My goal.  My challenge.  My underworld (how mysterious and sexy). Ironically my underworld is being everyone's hero.  That's a circular mind bomb isn't it?  I look forward to the next time I can go out of my way to make someone else's day better and to a fault.  FYI flights don't ever get cancelled and you leave 2 hours earlier...that 7 is PM, not AM so don't go driving to the airport in the snow...

But it is what makes me happy, and makes me sad.  I can not be everyone's hero...8 separate rolls can cause for a lot of opportunities to help and weave a tangled web.  So I struggle to find balance, to step back and focus on what is most important.  To do my best to help when I can, or must.  

Here in lies  my conclusion to this epic (not the popular term now days, but the literal meaning- uber long) post.  I want my next tattoo to be a hydra (because my brother could draw a badass one) because it reminds me that there are so many different heads a set of shoulders can hold, yet they all carry the same goal.  Protect what is important to you. Remain focused and don't get tangled up as you strive to achieve that goal, and by all means do not lose your self, or else the whole beast is lost.